Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Hello 2016

You may have seen my little instagram post* about Bean’s and my manifesto for 2016.

I think I’ll be updating my little board every month, perhaps by the end of the year I’ll have 12 images of hopefulness with 366 days of good memories to enjoy and build on in 2017.**

Life has been pretty rubbish for the pair of us over the past year. Indeed it’s 1 year and a day since I was released (discharged) from hospital. A moment that was meant to offer hope. Alas I’ve been hospitalised twice since then and have been lucky to stay away on a few other occasions. (Tis the joy (?) of receiving treatment three times a week as an out-patient – the doctors and therapists actively try to keep you out of inpatient-ness. I’m incredibly lucky to be receiving the care I am – even if it seems incredibly fruitless currently.)

So our 2015, after a pretty useless start to the year June brought utter devastation. Bean’s brother died. My big brother-in-law. I love(d) being his little sister. I miss him so very much. One understands that they will lose grandparents and parents (and of course it is painful - so very painful) but to lose a sibling, so soon, far too soon, is indescribable. My poor family. His death will always affect us, even if time dulls the pain.

Yet time marches on without knowing the trials faced, and Bean’s father underwent major surgery (he’s doing incredibly well – yay!), I became a missing person whilst I tried to die and for most of December I’ve been sitting on the edge – occasionally a literal platform edge, often a metaphorical one culminating in a trip to A&E. No, 2015 was not “our year.”

However, despite the pervasive sads on my part, things are looking up for team Beanna. I don’t want to jinx everything but Bean is finally having some well deserved good luck and, well, I’m still alive (small victories).

But to 2016 and back to the manifesto.

and Yeses

More kisses perhaps with glitter lips - I found this amazing lipstick which I wore on Christmas day and stayed on lip a trooper. I had glittery lips well into the evening (which may make more kisses difficult)

Nice cats – oh I miss our little foster kittens. We said goodbye to our last little ones in November. Hopefully February will bring us a new brood or perhaps a couple of older cats down on their luck.

All the photos - back in May my world was full of photos. As my mood turned to darkness it's felt that any creative juice I once had has been vanquished by the shadows. I hope to take time to explore the world rather than merely exist. 

Happy adventures – adventure is severely lacking in my current world. With 7 others I am to attempt to crack the Crystal Dome in October. So I need to find other ridiculous things to fill my days. 

Blogging brilliance - well one blog a week would be brilliant for me right now. Fingers crossed for more. I do enjoy this writing lark. 

Super good friend times - I miss people despite all the cocooning. I'm just not very good at being a friend. I need to learn how to connect and ask for cuddles. 

Kindness – tomorrow I shall reveal a little more about something I spoke about on instagram yesterday.


The dying thing. Yeah. It's mostly what I think about currently. Perhaps that could change?

What do you want 2016 to hold?

*I’m annaandthering – come and join me – I do like a pretty thing or two

**I realise I say this whilst still being actively suicidal – it’s a strange dichotomy which I hope to explore a little more here on the blog (and also in all the therapy)

1 comment :

  1. Hope your year has picked up and you're feeling stronger lovely. Hugs from a blogging friend yet also a stranger. Team Beanna! XxX Sonia